A guide from the book

How to find your purpose in life.

By Jasen Rockliffe · From the book Back. To you.

To find your purpose in life, stop looking for a passion and start looking for a glow. Write down five moments when you felt most yourself, however small. Ask what they have in common. Do not force the answer. That common thread is your purpose, speaking in its native language: feeling first, plan later. Then follow the glow, not the milestone.

The question usually arrives quietly. Not loudly. Not all at once. Is this it? Is this really what life is supposed to feel like? You are not unhappy, exactly. You are just not fully here. And under the momentum, something has not stopped reaching out.

This page is the short version of chapter ten of Back. To you. It will not give you a purpose. It will help you hear the one you already have.

Why the usual advice fails

“Follow your passion” assumes you have one loud enough to follow. Most people do not. They have something quieter and more reliable: a glow that shows up during certain acts and is absent during others. The glow does not announce itself. It has to be noticed, and you have been trained to notice achievements instead.

So the search goes to the wrong file. You look through your wins. Your purpose was never in there. It was in the afternoon you helped a friend move and could not explain why you felt so good.

The bike-store moments

The author calls them bike-store moments, after a small, unpaid, unremarkable afternoon that turned out to be the clearest thing he ever did. Everyone has them. They are the moments your achievements would never make the list, and your purpose would.

The time you helped someone move. The class you taught. The thing you fixed for your mother. The stranger you fed. However small. Especially small.

The practice: five moments, one question

Tonight, make the list. Five moments the glow showed up. Not your achievements. Your achievements can sit this one out. If the first two come easily and the next three make you go further back than you expected, go there.
Look at the list and ask one question. What do these have in common? Do not force the answer. Do not reach for a job title. Let the list speak.
Name the verb. In each moment, what were you actually doing? Fixing. Feeding. Teaching. Holding. Making a room laugh. The verb repeats. That repeat is the signal.
Write one sentence. I am most myself when I am [the verb] for [who]. Feeling first. The plan comes later, and honestly, the plan is the easy part.
Do one thing this week that produces the glow on purpose. Small. Scheduled. A day and a time. Purpose is not a destination you arrive at. It is a direction you keep choosing.

The purpose mapping page holds all five steps for you, and keeps your answers only on your device.

How to read the signal once you have it

Your body already knows. Around the right work and the right people you get bigger. More you. Around the wrong ones you get smaller. Not happier; happy is easy to fake for an evening. Bigger, or smaller. Expansion, or contraction. The glow, or the static.

You have been reading that signal your whole life without trusting it. Trust it. It works on decisions, on jobs, and it works on people too.

What usually happens

The common thread rarely announces itself the same night. Keep the list where you can see it. It speaks on its own schedule.

And expect one answer you did not want. That is the question working. It saves you months precisely because it will not flatter you.

Questions people ask about finding purpose

How do I find my purpose in life?

Start with feeling, not planning. List five moments the glow showed up: the time you helped someone move, the class you taught, the thing you fixed for your mother, the stranger you fed. Small counts double. Then ask one question: what do these have in common? That list is your purpose speaking in its native language. The plan comes later, and the plan is the easy part.

What if I don’t feel passionate about anything?

Passion is the wrong word and it is why the search fails. You are not looking for a fire. You are looking for a glow: the quiet expansion you feel during certain small acts. Almost everyone has five of those moments in the last few years. They are just filed under “nothing special.” Unfile them.

Is purpose the same as a career?

No. Your achievements can sit this one out. Purpose is what you were doing when you felt most yourself, and it often has nothing to do with what you are paid for. Once you can name it, you can bring it into any job, or notice which jobs make it impossible.

How do I know if I’m on the right path?

Your body answers before your head does. Around the right people and the right work you get bigger: more you, not less. Around the wrong ones you get smaller. Expansion or contraction. The glow or the static. Trust that signal over any five-year plan.

Can you find your purpose later in life?

Yes, and often more easily, because you have more moments to read. The list of times the glow showed up is longer at fifty than at twenty. The author found the shape of his from a hospital bed. It is not late. It is just quiet.

The book

Back. To you. is a book about presence, purpose, and the life you were meant for, written from a hospital bed in Oakville, Ontario. Most books are written to be understood. This one was written to be felt.

Everything it earns beyond its own bills goes to dementia and Alzheimer’s research. Receipts posted every year.

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Or begin with a free practice: purpose mapping, the minute, or being more present.